Back in October I submitted a novel I’d recently finished to Pitch Wars. I wrote about that here, if you want to check that out.
Now Pitch Wars is over, the showcase ended eleven days ago, and I thought I’d write this blog post a lot sooner than I wound up doing. I didn’t expect the week and a half after it ended to be marked with a kind of tired, sad lethargy. Now don’t get me wrong! I loved everything about the Pitch Wars experience – my absolutely wonderful mentor and fantastic new friends, what I learned about my writing and how to better it, what I learned about the industry and how to navigate it, everything. Even so, I did spend about a week wandering around feeling sad and not quite being able to connect it to anything. Easily distracted. Waking up at 5 am like I always do for writing, but then just refreshing my inbox and browsing the Twitter feed of a few literary agents. I was hit by that ill defined “post-project depression,” but I got a mild dose of it (more like “post-project bummer”) and I’m just about past it.
I’ve been working on an outline for my next novel, and I’ve reached out to some knowledgeable people and picked up some books for research, and I’m about ready to start drafting (while I continue my research). It’s going to be fun and scary, I’ve figured out all the twists and turns and the emotional arc, and I know my main character pretty well now. I’m well on my way, and that’s a relief.
I originally had intended to write a blog post about how great Pitch Wars was (and it was!), how fabulous my mentor Rochelle Karina is (and she is so fabulous!), how great the bonding with new people part of Pitch Wars has been (and it is!), and how excited I am to be querying (and I am, but honestly also stressed about it, which is normal!). After the first week passed, I also considered writing about the complicated feelings that come with not being one of the Pitch Wars showcase instant success stories (bummed to be feeling left behind, still conscious of the great boost to my writing and self-esteem that I was lucky enough to gain out of the experience, guilt at feeling bummed, annoyance at feeling guilty, etc, like I said, it’s complicated, but it’s alright).
Instead, I want to talk to anybody who’s feeling that kind of lost, occasionally breathless, stomach dropping unhappiness after a long project. Man, that feeling is weird and unexpected and it sucks, huh? Like jeez, can we not just feel proud that we accomplished something awesome? Instead we have to feel weird and unmoored and sad about it? I don’t think fighting the feeling or getting mad about it will help though. So I plan to pick a few indulgences that aren’t too unhealthy and go easy on my brain for a little longer. And I needed a reminder so maybe you do too – if you don’t jump feet first right into your next project it doesn’t diminish the work you just got done with, and it doesn’t mean that you won’t find your groove again soon. This is normal. You’re good, I’m good. We got this, we’re alright.
(But if you happen to be a literary agent glancing at my blog and deciding whether to offer me representation – uhh, pretend that the only thing in this post was the part about outlining my next novel, researching, and getting ready to start drafting.)