Hey, it's been a really long time, haha.
I have a hard time lately remembering to update the blog. And then when I do remember I have a hard time making myself go do it. But that's a concern for a different post. The writing itself is still going well, and that's what feels important for me.
But I was talking to a friend of mine about something I'm trying to do right now, and I realized something that I'm feeling really good about, so I wanted to share.
For the first time recently, I said (well, typed) to another person, “I believe in my writing.” I'm still kind of surprised that I can say it. But I do, I believe in my writing. I'm not super certain where this confidence came from? Because in many regards I am not exactly brimming with confidence. But recently I have realized that I sincerely do think that my writing is good enough and my stories are good enough, and in 2021 I'm going to try to get a literary agent. I'm going to try to become a traditionally published author. Putting it out into the world like this is scary, and maybe by this time next year I'll be writing a post about how this was a harder, longer process than I would have liked. But by this time next year I won't be writing a post about having given up.
I believe in my writing.
There's another thing I've learned about myself over this year of seeking out beta readers and submitting short stories. I'm not afraid of constructive feedback, and I don't let rejection stop me. Earlier I said I'm not super certain where my confidence came from, but let me tell you, I have no idea what this perseverance is about.
I've always been extremely sensitive to criticism and setbacks and rejections. But I've discovered recently that when I'm working with a beta reader, if the only feedback is to say that the story was good, I'm not satisfied. When I was younger, that would have been the goal for me. Write a story, ask for feedback, and be proud of myself if the feedback is just a compliment. Now, don't get me wrong! Compliments are kind and appreciated! But I want to make my work better. I believe in my writing and in my capacity to improve my writing. I've realized that these days I don't have to force myself to accept constructive criticism, I don't have to fight the urge to defend my writing when someone makes a suggestion, I enjoy it. It's fun, to have someone find the weak point and to discuss that with them and find a way to make it stronger. I actually like it. Weird, haha.
I can't say that I like rejections, I haven't gone that far down the path of being cool with whatever comes my way. A rejection still disappoints, and sometimes they sting a bit too. But I can say that they don't make me spend a day or a week doubting myself anymore. If a short story is rejected with feedback, I take that feedback to heart. And then I submit it somewhere else. I know, I know, that sounds so simple, so basic to the process. But this is still a big step for me. My first inclination, when I began submitting short stories, was to consign a rejected story to the trash heap. Not only have I overcome that impulse, I've banished it completely. And I'm a little amazed sometimes. I don't know who this person is, who doesn't let rejection stop her. This is a new type of me.
But here's my prediction. These are going to be the things that make the difference. I believe in my writing, I believe in my ability to improve my writing, and I am not afraid of rejection. Those factors are going to be the keys to finding success as a writer. I've had the talent, and I've had the work ethic (especially when it comes to writing). What I've got now is the confidence and the perseverance.
I feel like I've spent my whole life reading about how those factors are the keys to success and feeling dismayed by it, because those were things I didn't have. I don't say I didn't feel like I had them, I say I didn't have them, because that's true. It's just that what I didn't realize at the time – what maybe other people don't realize, so perhaps this can help someone else? – is that not having them doesn't mean never being able to have them. The reason I couldn't imagine myself having confidence was because I already didn't, and it became this loop. And I feel like I had to metaphorically grit my teeth and force myself out of that loop. But, man, if I can do it anyone can.
Get comfortable saying that you believe in your writing, and when you say it, don't weaken the statement or add qualifiers to it. Practice taking constructive feedback and working with it, even if you have to force yourself to do it at first, and if you find yourself getting defensive stop and be aware of that and try to let it go. And submit your stories, query your favorite agents, get rejected sometimes, let it hurt if it hurts but don't let it stop you, keep going, keep going, keep going. My husband calls it the “keep banging your head into the wall” method of accomplishing anything, and I think it works.
Confidence and perseverance can be attained, even if they don't come naturally to you.
Let's do this.